Disclaimer: The Equalizer and all its characters are property of Universal and are used here without permission. No copyright infringement is intended.
Robert and Kay
(missing scene from Time Present: Time Past)
In the living room of his apartment, already in his greatcoat, Robert McCall put a file into his specially made briefcase. It was crafted for transporting weapons around the city and each of its compartments contained one of his deadliest guns.
Just as he closed the case, the doorbell rang
Robert walked to the door and looked through peephole. Oh, Lord, his ex-wife. He supposed that he had to let her in. Sighing, he opened door. "Kaa-aayÖ"
She rushed into the room, then turned to face him. "Why isnít there anything in the paper about Scott?"
Bloody hell, he had explained it to her already.
"For Godís sake, Kay, the State Department does not want to embarrass the Russians at this time."
She looked about ready to burst. "Then why donít they just send Harold Ross back to Bulgaria?"
"Thatís precisely what theyíre about to do."
Confused, she stared at him. "What."
"We are not going to prevent the Bulgarians from sending him back to Bulgaria."
"Then why do you have Ė?" Kay pointed to his briefcase. She knew it well. He had packed the case in front of her many times before heading out on a mission and she knew it meant trouble.
Damn, now he would have to try and explain himself to her Ė yet again.
"A long time ago, I made him a promise that he would not be sent back there without his consent."
Kay glared at him. "You talk as if your honor was the only thing that existed in the world. Weíre talking about our son."
"I know what weíre talking about, but itís not quite so simple as that, is it? We canít discuss this in shades of black and white. I cannot simple give up my beliefs."
"Ohh, your beliefs. They have cost us enough and IÖ"
Damn, there she goes again, equating my job with our loss.
She started to stutter, her emotions almost out of control, "Ö I will notÖ "
His temper started to flare up. "All right, thatís it."
"I willÖ," her voice was choked.
"Now that is it!" He found himself shouting. Thoughts of little Kathyís death always made him feel as if he were drowning in regret. "We will not discuss that anymore. At any time. Ever!"
Calm down Man! He made himself release his anger. He tried to keep his voice level. "The death of our daughter was nothing to do with my beliefs."
Kay shook her head, "I was not talking about that."
"You were talking about that. Our daughter Kathy, died of cardiomyopathy. And we did every single thing we could to help her."
Still shaking her head, Kay set her chin high, "I accepted that years ago. Itís your disappearing act that I had trouble with."
Bullsí eye! Her words hit him in the chest, right to the heart of his remorse. He felt a sadness so overwhelming he could hardly get the words out. He found himself stuttering. "IÖ, IÖ was doing my job. I was out doing a job. And I gotÖ, I gotÖ, I got leave of absence in timeÖ When the time cameÖ"
A picture of his poor tiny daughter, struggling to breathe at her end, came unbidden into his mind. His legs felt as though they might not hold him up under the weight of his wretchedness. He took a step and collapsed into a side chair. "All right, all right, Kay. All right. I made a mistake, I should have left the bloody Company years before that." He dropped his head into his hand. Black misery thickened the air in the room.
"How did life got to be so complex?" Kay asked as she moved to the couch opposite him. "Damn it. With you itís always so clear. Thereís your honor, duty. Doesnít your world have any shades of gray?"
Robert managed to look up at her. "My world is nothing but shades of gray. I keep my balance. I just try to keep my balance."
Wiping tears from her face she stared at him. "How will you keep your balance if ScottÖ dies? Because of your honor?" She fished another tissue from her coat pocket, "Unlike you, I canít afford the luxury of upholding my honor. Scott is my only child, the only one I have left alive." Kayís eyes filled with tears again, they spilled over right away and she dabbed at them with the tissue. Robert saw that she was near her breaking point. "If anything happens to Scott youíll still have a living child. I wonít."
His heart jumped. "You know?" It wasnít logical, but somehow he never thought Kay would find out about Yvette
"About your love child that you had with your French tart? Yes, Scott told me when he first met your daughter. If you recall, you put Scott in danger then too. You involved him with a madman who was intent on getting his revenge on you."
He remembered that time. Circumstances had brought Scott into danger and he'd had no way to protect him. But Robert felt too emotionally ragged to fight and defend himself anymore right then. "I would have made sure Scott was far away from any danger, had I known that there would be any."
"Oh, Iím well aware that you donít do these things on purpose. Getting Scott beaten up by one of your business acquaintances then, and now heís kidnapped because of your other Company friend."
What the blazes did the woman want from him? Heíd already admitted that he spent more years in the Company than he should have. Did she want him to apologize for everything that happened in the world?
"All right Kay, Iím a bad influence on our son. Iíll not involve him in my life at all. Would that make you happy?"
She shook her head. "Scott would never agree to that and then Iíd be the bad parent. No Iím not telling you to do that. IÖ," She stopped talking, her face crumpled up and Robert saw her lift her hand to cover her eyes. "I saw Scottís poor face all beaten up that time. But Scott, my good-hearted son, never blamed you for it. No, instead he happily announced to me that he had a sister. He even wanted me to meet her! Didnít anyone think that that news just might upset me? Even a little thought to my feelings?" Wiping the tears away again, she sighed and settled back onto the chair. She looked exhausted.
Making his voice as calm as possible, Robert hoped to keep the emotional level down. Neither one of them could take any more tension. "Kay, Yvette was conceived years before we met. I didnít even find out about her existence until last year."
"Please Robert, Iím talking about my son now. My child. My only living child." She glared at him, her mascara was smeared under her eyes and she suddenly reminded him of a mother in a Greek tragedy. He understood her pain, he was feeling it too.
Kay wiped her eyes again and examined the tissue. She must have seen the mascara on it, so she fished in her purse, took out a compact and fixed her face. Robert sat and watched her. Kay was still a very handsome women, even during this crisis. How many times had he watched her go through the female ceremony of reapplying her makeup after they had fought? Hundreds of times? Their relationship had always been like that. Fire and gasoline.
Snapping her compact closed, she rose from the couch and stood in front of him. He got up from his chair and faced her. The electricity that buzzed whenever they got near each other was still there.
She stood tall and stared him down, "What are you going to do to save our son?"
He put his hands on her shoulders and felt the rich material of her winter coat and detected the light aroma of her perfume. "Iím going to do my best Kay. My very best."
Suddenly all of the inner fire that had burned in her eyes went out. She slumped and he wrapped his arms around her. The feel of her in his arms was familiar and comforting.
She leaned her head against his chest, then she opened his coat so her cheek rested on his shirt.
"Iím just so afraid for him, Robert. So afraid."
She shuddered against him and he held her tighter. Kay looked up at him, into his eyes and the connection between them was palatable. Without thinking, answering only that most ancient of calls, he bent his face to hers and kissed her.
The sensation was sheer solace for his battered nerves. He felt Kay lean into his body, the way she always used to during their most intimate times together.
He felt himself responding and kissed her more deeply. Kay returned his passion and without a word between them, following a pattern they had long established during their marriage, they broke the kiss and moved into the bedroom.
He tried not to think of the twelve years since their divorce, the eleven years since they last shared a bed together. The only light in the room was the ambient light of the dying day outside. It softened the edges of the room and bathed Kay in a flattering half shadow. He removed his clothing in no time, and got into bed to watch her undress.
Time had made its mark on the body of his once young and voluptuous wife. The birthing of two babies was evident in the marks that were still visible on her stomach. Her derrière, that delightful rump that once reminded him of mounds of sweet cream, had been flattened with age. Her thighs, once so muscular and taut were now looser and dimpled.
He knew he had once loved her with his whole soul, but he was a little amazed to find that the extra years had made her even more dear to him. When she turned to get into bed, he noticed her golden thatch, that with which he loved to play and in which he buried his face, was now not at all in evidence. Robert was a little surprised. Had Kay taken to shaving all her pubic hair off? Did her husband demand it?
With amazement, he found himself rock hard and throbbing, longing to touch her Ė everywhere.
Kayís complexion had a bright blush to it as she pulled the bed sheet up to cover her body. "What a wreck I must look to you."
He answered by pulling the sheet off her then covering her body with his own. He filled his arms with her. Glimpsing a surprised expression on her face for a fleeting moment, he kissed her with all his new found affection. The familiar aroma of Kay filled his nose, his head, and finally his whole body. The feel of her beneath him brought back memories that he had thought were long forgotten. She opened her legs to welcome him, but he wanted to do more for her.
Leaning on his arms he moved his lips over her body. First the tender skin of her neck and shoulders. Kay let out a throaty moan as he moved to her breasts, taking long moments to caress her nipples with his tongue. He felt her rub his back and shoulders with just the right amount of pressure, just the way he liked it. Robert then nuzzled the pleasing flesh of her breasts. Where once she had been ripe and full and plump, the delicate orbs were now a spreading roundness.
It enthralled him.
While Kay caressed his body and played with his hair, he paid exquisite attention to every inch of her chest. He remembered how he once loved to fill his mouth and hands with the flesh of her breasts, wanting nothing more than to remain on top of her, feeling her body purr beneath him. For a moment, he flashed on a picture of Scott and then of Kathy, suckling on Kay, their small hands kneading the white, soft tissue, greedy to feed from her bounty. He used to watch as the babies enjoyed their milk and then heíd imitate them after Kay tucked their small bodies into the cradle. He could still remember the taste.
Robert redoubled his ministrations. Tenderly squeezing her nipples, he lifted each breast to more easily kiss the warm skin underneath. He let their weight, one after another, fall upon his cheeks as he moved his hands down to the juncture between her thighs.
Kay squirmed as he ran his hands over her hairless pubic mound and then gasped as he let one finger slid between her moist labial lips to touch her.
"Oh God Robert," she murmured, "Itís been so long, so long since Iíve . . "
"Shhhh," he whispered, and started to move his head lower down over her shuddering body. He was just about finished kissing her lower belly when he heard a sob.
"No donít," Kay whispered. Alarmed He looked up into her face. Her eyes were filled with tears.
"Kay?" he asked, "whatís wrong?"
Shaking her head, she whispered, "I donít want titillation from you or base gratification, I need you, inside me, filling me, comforting me." She moved and opened her thighs wide apart. The recognizable smell of her musk washed over him, permeating his senses. "I need to be close to you now, please Robert."
In a heartbeatís time, he had positioned himself in-between her legs and guided himself into her.
"Yes, yes," Kay groaned, and he felt the muscles of her silken vagina close around him as he began to move.
The next minutes that passed were filled with such familiar pleasures. As was her habit, Kay wrapped her legs around his hips, locked her ankles beneath his ass and held on for dear life. As he varied his positioning above her, responding to her every reaction, he drank in the sight of her, eyes closed tight, pushing her head back hard into the pillow, concentrating on receiving and giving pleasure. Every time she yelped with sexual bliss, Robert felt the urge to do more for her. He paced himself to last as long as he could.
After a while he heard Kayís breathing become ragged. With increased urgency, she leaned upward to grab his buttocks and dig her nails deep into his flesh. She then began to ride him ferociously, forcing him deeper inside her with her legs grasping his hips and her hands gripping his ass. Not aware of anything but the feel of the act, Robert heard her deep guttural moan as he felt her body orgasm, but he couldnít break his rhythm. He didnít want to. He continued to pound his flesh into, and onto, hers as the headboard banged against the wall. Soon Kay shrieked as she came again and Robert felt a welcome flood of wetness pour from her womb, bathing his groin and thighs with its heat.
Grunting with exertion, heart thudding in his chest, Robert thrust harder and faster, unable to stop himself. Kay began to call out "Yes!, oh God Yes," with every exhalation, and the sound filled him with a powerful primitive animal joy. He stepped up the pace of his lunges, exalting in his power to master the female underneath him until Kayís whole body was shuddering with his vigorous movements.
When he heard and felt her come a third time, Robert had no choice, he tumbled into his own crushing orgasm, combining the noise of his own robust roar of triumph with Kayís moans.
Trying to catch their breath, Robert rested on top of her. His head leaning on her chest, his lips lightly touching the swell of one heaving breast. He closed his eyes, listening to her racing heartbeat. His every breath was a gasp and his own heart tried valiantly to calm down. He hadnít had this kind of a workout in years. When a few blissful moments had passed and Robertís breath was normal, he became aware that Kay was quietly weeping.
He opened his eyes. Kay was crying through closed lids.
"Kay? Whatís the matter?"
She wept openly then. After a moment she took a deep breath and seemed to calm herself down. Opening her eyes she said, "Iíve never cheated on Walter before. I didnít think I was the type to ever cheat on anyone."
Robert sighed. He rolled onto the bed and lay on his side facing her. Stroking her cheek, he wiped the tears away. "Youíve never been so frightened about Scott before."
"No," she sniffed.
"And neither have I. As you said, this wasnít for sexual gratification. What we just did was console each other because weíre mortally afraid for our son."
She looked at him and then averted her eyes. "It wonít happen again. Ever."
"Yes Kay, I know. Weíre together out of fear for our son, nothing else."
"Robert!" Kay suddenly turned on her side facing him and put her arms around his neck, "Swear to me, on the love we once had for each other, swear to me that youíll get Scott out of the Bulgarian embassy alive."
He looked into her worried eyes, the sweat of their passion drying on her brow, the glow of their lovemaking still shining in her face. And he nodded.
"On the love we once shared and felt for our children, I swear to do whatever is humanly possible to save Scott."
She swallowed hard. "Even if it means jeopardizing your honor?"
He felt the urge to try and explain his feelings to her. "Kay, you must understand, Scott is important to me Ė "
"Because, if I had to relinquish my honor to save my son, I would," she interrupted, her eyes were boring into him, "Iíd run naked through the street and degrade myself in any way if I could save him. Do you understand me?"
"Yes, I do."
And there it was, the old problem between them. They saw life from two disparate places. Kay saw only with her heart and would fiercely defend the people she loved. Robert saw the bigger picture. He would fight fiercely to do the right thing, whether it caused him pain or not.
Kay placed her hands on his head so he couldnít look away from her, "For what you once felt for me, promise that youíll save him. No matter what."
He managed to disentangle her grip on him, took both her hands in his, then kissed her. "I still care for you. All the feelings I had for you didnít end the moment we stopped loving each other. Youíre in my soul Kay, and always shall be."
Kayís eyes welled up with tears. "I feel the same Robert."
They lay like that for a minute, comfortable with each other. Robert was gratified that she had stopped the tear production.
He glanced at the clock by the bed. "I have approximately forty-five minutes to get to a strategy meeting with Control and some other hand-picked men. I might as well share this with you now. Weíre determined to rescue Scott and Harold Ross by dawn tomorrow."
Kay raised a hand to cover her mouth, then she smiled at him through a sob. "Thank God."
"I must get going now. You can stay here as long as you like." He sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed. "It will be a while before I have any news for you, but Iíll call here first. If thereís no answer Iíll call the hotel."
As he stood up he heard Kay "tsk-tsk." He turned, irked. He had hoped she would take his lead and not mention how age and gravity looked to have had their way with his body. "What are you tisking at?"
Kay wrapped the sheet around her. "We certainly made a mess of your bed. I can hardly remember the last time I, er. . ." She smiled, "Remember how worried we were until the doctor told us that women sometimes can ejaculate too?"
Robert had a flash of a memory of a medical appointment and Kayís brilliant red blush when the doctor told her that what she was doing by expelling fluid during particularly lusty bouts of lovemaking was called ejaculating.
"I was so embarrassed when it happened Ė before we learned it was normal."
He chuckled, picked up his robe and collected fresh underwear and a shirt from the drawer. "I remember that after we learned what it was, we made sure to be awash in your fluids at least once a month."
Kay became solemn, "When you were homeÖ" She looked up, "Sorry, I didnít mean anything by that, I promise."
Annoyance rose in his chest. Just once, could they have a moment's peace together without her bringing up those old complaints?
"All right Kay."
"No. No, I only meant that I missed you and making love with you so much when you werenít home." She shrugged. "After the divorce, I never dreamed that I wouldnít have multiple orgasms again. Itís over a decade now since we slept together last, isnít it? When we were married, I didnít know any better. You were my first and only lover and I didnít know that all men didnít have yourÖ flair. If I had known, I would have made certain to enjoy what I had."
Well, it seemed that old Walter, wasnít up to his standards.
"You mean that Walter doesnít. . .?"
Her mouth set in a frown, "Walter is a wonderful man and he makes me happy." She was silent for a moment then shook her head, "but youíre the only one who could do this," and she pointed to the soggy, rumpled sheets.
He was jut about to close the door of the bathroom for a quick shower when he heard a sob. Kay had started to cry again.
Holding his underwear and clean shirt he stepped back to the side of the bed. "What is it Kay?"
She waved her hand in dismissal while still weeping. She had found the box of tissues he kept on the night table and was depleting its contents with each passing sob. "Nothing important. I was thinking of the many times when we were married and we forgot to use protection. Iíd be petrified that Iíd become pregnant."
With a start, Robert realized that he hadnít even thought of using a condom that evening. "Do you think that you might Ė?
Kay wept harder, balling more and more used tissues in her hand. "No, I started The Change about a year ago. Thatís why Iím crying. Oh God I wish I were able to have another child. If anything happens to ScottÖ"
All the tears were beginning to wear on him, "Kay I have to go. Hopefully Scott will be home safe and sound by the morning."
"With you!" Kay shouted, "Iíd want another baby with you, Robert!" She buried her face in a wad of tissues.
That declaration was like a surprising slap in the face. He didnít know what to say.
"Oh," he muttered and, in a daze, walked back into the bathroom.
The hot water of the shower brought him back to earth. He had to clear his mind. The mission to rescue his son and his old friend from the Bulgarian embassy must be the only thing on his mind right now. Nothing else.
But Lord, what would he do if Scott didnít make it?
He thought of a future filled with that horror.
No, Scott would be rescued. All would be well.
He would make it happen.